Field Report 116: The Unloading Disaster
Our investigation into the human sport known as ski lifting has continued.
We have now reached the second major phase of the competition:
Unloading.
The procedure appears simple.
The mechanical chair carries the human to the top of the mountain.
The human then gets off.
That is it.
This should be easy.
It is not.
As the chair approaches the unloading area, the human suddenly becomes extremely alert.
They lift the safety bar.
They stand.
They begin sliding forward.
The ground is moving.
The human is moving.
The chair is moving.
The skis are moving.
Everything is moving.
The human appears to have forgotten which direction they are supposed to go.
Some humans successfully glide away.
Others immediately fall.
Some fall sideways.
Some fall backward.
Some perform a spectacular maneuver in which their skis cross, their poles become involved, and their entire body briefly appears to become a collection of independent objects.
The chair continues moving.
The next human must now unload around the fallen human.
This creates what we believe is known as The Unloading Disaster.
The fallen human usually attempts to stand while several other humans approach from behind.
This does not improve the situation.
Occasionally, the fallen human simply sits there.
We have observed this behavior repeatedly.
We believe the human is attempting to become invisible.
This does not work.
There is also a highly specialized human known as the Confident Unloader.
This human exits the chair with perfect balance, glides away from the lift and immediately begins skiing downhill.
We initially believed this individual had mastered the sport.
Further observation revealed that the Confident Unloader frequently crashes approximately thirty meters later.
This has caused considerable confusion among our research team.
We have therefore revised our understanding.
The objective of ski lifting may not be to remain upright.
The objective may simply be to remain upright long enough to leave the loading area before something embarrassing happens.
We will continue monitoring the species.
Tomorrow we will investigate the most dangerous phase of the sport:
The Human Who Drops a Pole While Getting Off the Chair.
End of Field Report 116.
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