Field Report 114: Ski Lifting as a Sport
We have discovered what appears to be a winter sport called ski lifting.
The humans attach long, slippery devices to their feet and travel downhill at considerable speed.
However, this is apparently not the entire sport.
Before they are permitted to travel downhill, they must first participate in the much more complicated activity of getting up the mountain.
Humans form organized lines.
They wait.
They move forward.
They approach a moving mechanical chair.
They attempt to sit on it while remaining attached to their slippery foot devices.
Sometimes they succeed.
Sometimes they do not.
When they do not, the entire mechanical transportation system stops.
Hundreds of humans then sit motionless on chairs suspended above the ground while waiting for one individual human to recover from the loading procedure.
We have installed observation devices at the loading and unloading stations.
The results are extraordinary.
Some humans enter the loading area backward.
Some look over their shoulders.
Some do not look at all.
Some appear completely surprised when the chair arrives.
Others appear offended that the chair arrived exactly when it was supposed to.
At the top of the mountain, the humans perform another maneuver.
They must leave the moving chair while remaining upright.
This is called unloading.
It is apparently possible to fail.
When this happens, the human may fall immediately upon leaving the chair and slide several meters down the snow.
The human then frequently looks around to determine whether anyone witnessed the event.
This is puzzling.
Our cameras have already recorded it.
Everyone witnessed the event.
The human does not know this.
We are beginning to understand that ski lifting is not merely transportation.
It is a highly sophisticated human behavioral experiment involving gravity, machinery, slippery footwear, embarrassment, patience, coordination, and the sudden realization that approximately six hundred people are watching you attempt to sit down.
We have reached an important conclusion:
The actual sport may not be skiing.
The actual sport may be successfully getting on and off the chair.
The downhill portion is apparently the reward.
End of Field Report 114.
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